Relief Wells for the Ignorant - The Freelance Files MMCCLXVII

Using a relief well to kill a blowout

Way back in 2010, when the BP Macondo well blew out – what the average person remembers as the Deepwater Horizon "well" – many a TV talking head brought up the topic of a relief well. The underwater gusher was temporarily capped after almost three months, but it was another two months before a relief well could be completed 2½ miles below the surface. In the meantime, many a self-appointed "expert" explained the notion of a relief well to the world, including WiseGEEK.com's Jeremy Laukkonen warbling about the topic in his post "What Is a Relief Well?" (now at niche site AboutMechanics.com, for some bizarre reason). Jeremy's take on the topic is, to be sure, about what you'd expect from a sometime auto mechanic and real estate broker turned freelancer...

Oil Fields for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMCCLX

This ain't no desert, Jason

One of the staffers "quiet quit" the petroleum industry a few years ago (before everyone on the planet decided to switch jobs, for what it's worth), but still retains all the basic knowledge necessary to fact-check some of the rubbish our DotD nominees have pumped out over the years. Given the average person's ignorance of the petroleum  industry, it's no surprise that misconceptions and misinformation are the rule rather than the exception; which is why she's rarely surprised by freelancer dumbassery about the oil business. Once in a while, though... and today's one of those days. Back to take another bite of the oil biz apple, once again demonstrating complete ignorance of the industry, is Jason C. Chavis. This time he's answering (NOT!) the eternal question "What is an Oil Field?" for the WiseGEEK.com niche site AboutMechanics.com.

Horizontal Drilling for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMCCLIV

horizontal drilling

Staffers at the Antisocial Network realized years ago that some freelancers are just plain shameless. A case in point is one of the more frequent contributors to WiseGEEK.com, who we have determined is neither wise nor a geek. Partially due to her claimed educational qualifications but mostly to her obvious unfamiliarity with her subjects, she's become our "go-away-from" contributor at the site and its niches; with a back-list of crapola that rivals such greats as Joan Whetzel (eHow, HubPages) and Lacy Enderson (eHow). Here, making her sixteenth appearance at the awardee's podium, is Mary McMahon and her AboutMechanics.com post, "What is Horizontal Drilling?"

Directional Wells for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMCCLII

directional well

After years of scrolling through content farm rubbish, our staffers have codified the simplest method of determining that some freelancer somewhere was pounding out bullshit in hopes of collecting a few pennies for the "work." Ready? All you do is look for long strings of generic crapola tied together with tangentially related factoids. It's even easier when those factoids have been interpreted through the lens of ignorance. That's what we found when we did a deep dive on Christian Petersen and the WiseGEEK post, "What Is a Directional Well?" (firmly ensconced at AboutMechanics.com, for some weird reason).

Directional Drilling for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMCCXXXIX

slant drilling rig

Around the Antisocial Network world headquarters we are particularly irked by freelance writers who think they are smart enough to address a subject by simply rewording a source they found somewhere else and republishing it as their "new" information. These freelancers are most irritating when they tackle topics about which they know nothing, mainly because their readers know nothing – or worse, learn only misinformation – about the topic at hand. Keep that in mind as you meet T. L. Childree (Laurie) and her half-witted attempt to answer the question, "What is Slant Drilling?" for WiseGEEK niche site AboutMechanics.com.

Door Headers for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMCCXXXV

Header framing terminology

Early on, the freelancers who plied their trade at content farms such as eHow.com and WiseGEEK.com (and the many others that left a stain on the internet's collective knowledge) found that by grabbing a slew of closely-related topics they could leverage their "research" into more bucks in a shorter time. Good for the, not so good for us if their accuracy was suspect... as it so often was. One such freelancer who picked (at least) two niches at wiseGEEK is S. E. Smith, later known as Mary McMahon. Mary's grasp of her chosen topics, however, has won her a shelf full of DotD awards; two of which are for framing carpentry. Mary's herein receiving a third nomination in the category, for the AboutMechanics.com post "What is a Door Header?"

Diamond Drilling for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMCCXXXIII

It is said (with good reason) that a little bit of knowledge is a dangerous thing; an adage to which we at the Antisocial Network are inclined to say, "No duh." Perhaps the only thing worse than a little bit of knowledge is no knowledge at all. A disturbing number of people who wrote for content farms, sadly, fell under the second category; yet they were more than happy to share their ignorance with the world for a few bucks. Let us take a look at one such self-appointed wordsmith, returning DotD Felicia Dye. This time out, we'll see what dumbassery Dye managed to pack into the WiseGEEK post "What is Diamond Drilling?" which lives in the niche site AboutMechanics.com.

Drillstem Tests for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMCLXXIX

Does anyone besides us remember the snarky poster that said, "Those of you who think you know everything are annoying to those of us who do"? Well, it's true... Just kidding: the reality is that people who think they can reliably reword anything from Wikipedia are annoying to those of us who know something about the topic at hand, but freelance writers like Malcolm Tatum insist on pretending that they can. We came upon Mal at WiseGEEK niche site AboutMechanics.com, where he pretended to know the answer to the eternal question, "What is a Drill Stem Test?" Heck, the boy didn't even know enough to use term of art: "drillstem."

Stripper Wells for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMCLIV

Our Antisocial Network staffers tend to look with scorn on freelancers who completely botch an assignment due to ignorance or failure to prepare. Online freelancers who were paid flat fees for their output at sites like eHow.com and WiseGEEK.com have proven among the worst, perhaps because of a tendency to value quantity – and therefore increased income – over quality. The usual "one tiny trick" pulled by these authors is to find something that looks like it answers the question and then reword it (to avoid plagiarism). If the source isn't on point, however, you end up with utter bullshit; just as returning DotD Angie Bates did in her attempt to answer the timeless question, "What Is a Stripper Well" for AboutMechanics.com.

Hex Bits for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMCXXIX

hex bit socket (note square drive hole)

If it were not so painful, it would be amusing to watch some of the journalism majors our staff encounters trying to explain even the most trivial of technical and mechanical products. The way in which some of them manage to mangle definitions and terminology would be hilarious if we didn't realize that some poor schmuck reading their literary droppings might think they were accurate. To the canon of mangled technical information, we now add the WiseGEEK.com post "What Is a Hex Bit Socket?" (in their niche that is supposedly AboutMechanics.com); a piece of internet stupidification from the keyboard of returning DotD Maggie Worth.

Forestry for Dummies - the Freelance Files MMCXXIII

 

Coring a tree to measure age

If you've ever wondered what a forester does, we refer you to Suzanne Simard's recent memoir, Finding the Mother Tree. One of the staffers recently read it and, although it's not as thrilling as a Tom Clancy novel, it's educational and interesting. It's a shame that Felicia Dye never had a chance to tread Simard's book, however, because if she had, she might well have written an entirely different "answer" to the question, "What are the Different Types of Forestry Tools?" at the WiseGEEK niche site ABoutMechanics.com. Then again, she might not. Why would we say such a thing? Because it's pretty clear from the list Dye pounded out that she didn't know the difference between a forester and a logger.

Drill Strings for Dummies

We often make the point here at the Antisocial Network that if you want information, you ask someone who knows the facts. You don't ask your dentist how to replace a sewage extractor pump, and you don't ask the guy who mows your lawn how to do a root canal. Does that make sense? We think it does... but asking self-appointed "generalists" myriad questions and paying them for their half-assed answers has been the business model of more than one internet website, in particular eHow and WiseGEEK.com. Here to prove our point is communications degree-holder and former pizza-joint owner Keith Koons with his take on the immortal question, "What is a Drill String?" for WiseGEEK nice site AboutMechanics.com.

The Dummies Guide to Kelly Hoses

rotary drilling rig

A not-surprising number of freelance writers apparently consider themselves to be "a jack of all trades," based (we assume) on the belief that they developed mad skillz for research while getting a college degree. While we whole-heatedly agree that it's possible to become well-versed in an esoteric topic through weeks, months, or years of research and conversation with experts; we submit that it's highly unlikely that anyone can write authoritatively about a broad variety of fields if all they've done is read the relevant Wikipedia article. That's apparently what happened when WiseGEEK.com (and eHow.com) freelancer Maggie Worth tried to answer the question, "What Is a Kelly Hose?" for the WiseGEEK niche site, AboutMechanics.com.

Shear Planes for Total Dummies

Shear plane in deformed rock

Just yesterday, one of the Antisocial Network staffers heard a discussion of reading comprehension. The point was that when readers lack at least some background knowledge on a topic, their level of comprehension plummets. That, she suggested, is why liberal arts graduates so often do a lousy job of answering technical questions. You know, questions like "What Is a Shear Plane?" – a question James Doehring attempted to answer for WiseGEEK.com's niche site, InfoBloom (oops: they moved to AboutMechanics.com, even though it's not about mechanics. Go figure)...

Permeameters for Dummies

permeable concrete

When there are two different meanings for a term, it's only natural for perfectly ordinary people to find themselves confused about its use. When that happens, we – of course – use the opportunity to look to an authority for clarity. That only works, however, if the authority is actually authoritative. The precise opposite occurred at wiseGEEK.com when they allowed someone calling itself Alexis W. to write a post entitled, "What Is a Permeameter?" (now at AboutMechanics.com, but still stupid).

Torque and Bolts for Dummies

torque on a bolt

The freelancers we nominate for our daily award fall into several broad categories, but the vast majority of them qualify on the basis of the same mistake: attempting to explain something they don't themselves understand. Lots try to give instructions for a task they've never tried, while others pretend to have knowledge they don't. We've had a lot of the former lately, but that doesn't mean we don't have links to posts where the writer is quite clearly talking through his or her hat. Here's one now: Troy Holmes with his WiseGEEK  post, "How Much Torque can a Bolt Accept?" (now at niche site AboutMechanics.com)

Joist Spacing for the Dummy Freelancer

Joist span and load

Whether you're a professional or a well-informed amateur, odds are good that you've learned the vocabulary of your chosen field. Take DIY projects: not every wrench is an "adjustable wrench," for instance, and not every framing member of a building is a "beam." When we see those weasel words in a how-to, it's usually a giveaway that the writer wasn't familiar with the task in question. Today's nominee is a freelancer whose failure to grasp construction terminology caught a staffer's eye, but it's the content of the Malcolm Tatum post "What are the Best Ways to Calculate Joist Spacing?" (at WiseGEEK niche site AboutMechanics.com) that put him over the top.

The Dummy's Guide to Density Logging

porosity from density

Someone woke up the staff petroleum geologist the other day to ask about a potential nominee, a process akin to poking a hibernating bear. It's not that said geology type is a grump – he certainly is – but that he's had to read through so much misinformation about the industry where he spent three decades that he's tired of it. Sadly, the WiseGEEK.com post "What Is Density Logging?" (now, for unknown reasons, at niche site AboutMechanics.com) which the site attributed to freelance contributor Mary McMahon, did not improve his mood...

Soldering for DIY Dummies

We were reading some freelancer's attempt to describe a simple plumbing repair yesterday when we noticed that the guy (who claims to be a famous lawyer...) wasn't familiar with how copper pipe is joined. He never mentioned the word "solder," for instance. We immediately sent an intern to the 'net to see what kind of dumbassery the rest of the freelancers have managed to get published. Take a gander at what WiseGEEK.com contributor S. Mithra had to say on the topic of "What Is Soldering?" (now at niche site aboutMechanics.com after a brief sojourn at InfoBloom.com).

Resistivity Logs for Dummies

Resistivity log pair (right side)

Our staff petroleum geologist stops by every once in a while to complain about clueless freelancers who write fluffy bull about oil and the oil business. He's been particularly wrathful lately about a string of WiseGEEK.com posts attempting to explain the processes involved in formation evaluation (see list¹). In order to humor the guy, we've gone back to that particular well, singling out freelancer and "English and Professional Writing/Editing" graduate (is there really such a degree?) Angie Bates, whose ignorance of her topic is obvious  in "What is a Resistivity Log?" a post that WiseGEEK, in their infinite dumbassery, has niched at AboutMechanics.com.