Flat Mower Tires for Dummies

Flat mower tire

Here at the Antisocial Network, we can tell when a freelancer is faking it just from our own experience. A writer faking similar experience leaves out a critical step, doesn't address a common problem, or simply demonstrates ignorance. In the case of Kenneth Crawford of eHow, it's clear he faked it as he wrote "How to Fix a Flat Tire on Your Riding Lawn Mower" because... well, because if he'd ever actually fixed a flat on a mower he'd have known better.

Topographic Maps, the Dummy Version

Map legend showing contour interval
(Elton, LA, 7.5-minute quadrangle)

Just about every day, we at the Antisocial Network run across yet another freelancer holding forth on a topic about which he or she knows nothing, and getting paid fairly well for doing so (otherwise they probably wouldn't). The most frequent offenders are the hacks over at eHow.com, a cornucopia of misinformation that somehow managed to stay solvent through the Panda update. Don't ask us how... Today's example of rampant incompetence is the site's Lillian Teague, here misinforming her readers on the topic of "How to Determine Vertical Scale."¹

Lillian, like most of eHow's dummies, began revealing her lack of knowledge on the topic in the introductory paragraph:

O-Rings for Dummies

Various size O-Rings

Even fifth-graders are familiar with the "bullshit test," though pre-teens are supposed to call it the "reasonableness test." Basically, it means, "Ask yourself, 'Does this statement make sense?'" Unfortunately, far too many freelancers writing for pennies on blogs and at content farms fail to apply the bullshit test to their own writing. As a result, the stupidification of the internet takes one more incremental step toward complete dumbassery. An example of that incremental step came courtesy of Lexa W. Lee of eHow.com when she published "What Are O Rings Used For?"¹

What's an O-ring, you ask? Lexa didn't bother to say, so we will:

Batteries for Clueless Drivers

Typical 12-volt car battery

Here at the Antisocial Network, we've noticed that few topics are more mysterious to the average money-hungry freelancer than electricity. The advice some of these buffoons give at sites like HubPages.com and eHow.com is chock full of misinformation and misinterpretation. Today's Dumbass, whom we found while scrolling through articles about cars at eHow is Victoria Ries. Vicki collected fifteen bucks for telling the world "How to Disconnect a Car Battery"¹ which can now be found at Leaf Group's ItStillRuns niche site.

Ms. Ries' obvious unfamiliarity with automotive batteries is easiest to recognize in the text of her second step:

General Plumbing for Dummy Homeowners

Water pipe spaghetti...

Perhaps the only thing worse than a freelancer writing for pennies is a fake freelancer pretending to give advice while shilling for his or her company. We're thinking of someone like Brianna W over at seekyt.com, whose entire portfolio consists of one badly-written article she called "Get to Know the Basics of Home Plumbing Systems." It turns out that Brianna only presented all this pseudo-knowledgeable faux-factation to advertise for her favourite plumbing company in Melbourne, Australia. 

Of course, we here at the Antisocial Network couldn't let her get away with bullshit like that, especially when her concept of the "basics of home plumbing systems" is written at the level of a preschooler's board book – and we're not only talking knowledge, we're talking writing. Oz is an English-speaking country, so Bri deserves our scorn for crap like this:

Troubleshooting Your Suburban for Dummies

Chevrolet Suburban

Got a problem with your car? Won't start? Never fear, Amelia Allonsy of eHow.com is here to tell you all about how to diagnose your problem. Assuming, of course, you can manage to gloss over the misinformation and downright stupidity characteristic of "help" from the crew at eHow.com. Let's troubleshoot Amelia's expertise as was displayed in her piece "My Chevy Suburban Won't Start."¹ Don't worry if your ride's not a Cowboy Cadillac, Amelia reprised her advice for several other makes and models (always, of course, rewording everything to avoid getting nailed for "plagiarizing" herself). Here's what Amelia says to do if your Suburban (FourRunner, Miata, Silverado, Starion, Millennia, Integra, Maxima, Spectra...) won't start.

Copper for Chemistry Dummies

Native copper

Have you ever wondered why the Google Panda update back in 2011 sent so many sites like AssociatedContent.com to their graves? Technically, it was because the sites were, essentially, cheating in the way they were structured to take advantage of SEO. Some people, though, were happy to see them go because of the quality, or lack thereof, of the content. We're talking content written by eHowians like three-time DOTD Joan Whetzel, seen here holding forth on "The Effects of Oxidation on Copper" (now appearing at Sciencing.com). As is so often the case, Ms Whetzel's innate dumbassery first appears with her introduction: