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| Sink plumbing |
Freelancers in the know use, access, and consult tools that allow them to view what searches are being performed; apparently in hopes of capitalizing on the urgent need of 'netizens for information about something other than celebrities, porn, and celebrity porn. The freelancers then fulfill that need, no matter how foolish the question and no matter how tenuous their own connection to the knowledge he or she posts. Sometimes the combination of topic and ignorance is downright hilarious. Take, for instance, Seekyt's iolaharder, who shared a gusher of useless verbal sewage in "Exactly What Really does a Plumber do?" (that's her title; not ours).
If you didn't already know what plumbers do – and who over the age of about twelve doesn't? – Iola wouldn't be much help. That's because Iola really gets into her freelancing, carefully rewording and reordering information she just ripped off from somewhere else. Take this first paragraph:
The saying "he can't see the forest for the trees" might well be the motto of eHow's stable of freelance writers. The worst of them, forced to fit their misinformation into a restrictive format and hardwired word-count range, often do little more than spout disconnected facts more or less at random. In doing so, it's not uncommon for the dumbasses among them to omit basic facts while going into great detail about trivia. For an example, let's look at Nicole Papagiorgio, writing (quite appropriately) on "How to Identify Types of Pine Trees,"¹ which Leaf Group has, for unknown reasons, niched over at Hunker.com
We here at the Antisocial Network just happen to have a degreed forester (B. S., University of Arizona) on staff (Nicole has, as do so many Demand Media drones, an Associates Degree in.... ta-da! Journalism), who directed us to a number of dichotomous keys for identification of different species of pines. Here's a key that's fairly general as opposed to the very specific one Nicole found for a biology lab at "University of Berkeley" (we think she meant University of California at Berkeley). In any case, Nicole's version of a dichotomous key (such as it is) is replete with problems. She starts out with
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| Native gold |
When it comes to freelancers spreading misinformation, almost no topic appears to be more fertile than get-rich quick schemes. Thanks to a rather stupid TV "reality" show about panning for gold, bazillions of people became convinced that they could wander into the nearest trickle of water with a bowl from the kitchen and pan up fist-sized gold nuggets with just a few minutes' work. Freelancers like lperry (Lisa Perry) over at Seekyt.com were happy to feed gold fever, if only to make a few pennies off someone else's greed. Lisa shared her bit of misinformation in an article she called "Strike It Rich Panning For Gold In Arkansas."¹
In actuality, Lisa doesn't say jack about the process of panning, where you might pan for gold, or how much you might find. In a burst of honesty that seems quite out of character for freelance writers on Seekyt, Lisa says not once but twice that people panning for gold in Arkansas will find flecks of gold the size of a flea's knee instead of massive lumps.
Anyone who read an Amazon book review in the first decade of the 21st century is familiar with the late Harriett Klausner, the site's number one reviewer during that time. Harriett, who seemed to have mad speed-reading skillz, often pounded out twenty or thirty book reviews per day, although almost all bore a striking resemblance to the jacket blurb. Well, Harriett isn't the only "reviewer" out there faking it: the practice is disturbingly (some might say "disgustingly") widespread. Some of the content is so obvious that even the most brain-dead among us can spot it. Want an example? We're glad to oblige, courtesy of ThePen at seekyt.com, who wrote "Product Review: Canon 4624A002 Is All Weather Binoculars." This particular morsel of freelancer dumbassery is not only fake, it's also spun from somewhere else. Know how we can tell? Just read the first paragraph:
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| Single-malt whisky |
Several editorial staffers at the Antisocial Network like to raise a dram or two of fine single malt whisky of an evening in salute to the freelancers out there who aren't dumbasses. We won't bore you with details, but we're partial to Lagavulin, Laphroaig, or anything that non-Islay drinkers claim tastes like cigarette ashes smell. That's why we were dismayed to have our whisky sensibilities insulted by Edwin Thomas, "contributor" to eHow in a little ditty he called "How Is Scotch Whiskey Made?"¹ Oh, yes, the dumbasses at eHow DID call it "Scotch Whiskey," even though Scotland officially spells it "whisky." But that's only the beginning...
Here's some of the other bits of stupidification Edwin and his eHow content editor unleashed on the internet:
"The malted barley or grain mix is ground into flour and then steeped in hot water in a process called 'mashing.'"
Umm, no: the grains aren't "ground into flour," they're crushed (that's why it's called "mashing"). The purpose of this millling process is to crack the hulls of the barley grains.
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| Window shutters |
If there's anything that irks us here at the Antisocial Network, it's someone who shares a "How To" article that, if you followed to the letter, you wouldn't end up with the promised outcome. Like, a recipe in "How to Bake Bread" that ends up as a batch of corn nuts or something equally disgusting. It's bad enough when dummies share incorrect information, misidentify tools, or incorrectly define technical terms; but not even giving the complete instruction set? that's beyond the pale! That's why we've singled out the one and only Naima Manal for the last day of HubPages week, and why we chose her article "How to Build Window Shutters" – because it doesn't tell you how to build window shutters: it tells you how to build... something else.
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| Fun toilet |
Ahhhh, the toilet. The commode, water closet, crapper, porcelain bus: by whatever name you know him, John is an important member of the modern household, which is why modern houses come with a toilet; and many come with more than just the one. Apparently in HubPages land, however, potties aren't all that common – and this means that penny-hungry freelancers like the guy who calls himself lucionogue (Lucio Nogueira) are more than happy to tell you how to install one of the things. Why you might need advice, especially of this quality, shall remain a mystery. Let's see what lucionogue has to share in "How Toilet Installation and Vent Pipe."¹ A hint to any prospective readers: the article makes about as much sense as the title. Here's Lucio's checklist for the process...
The saying "he can't see the forest for the trees" might well be the motto of eHow's stable of freelance writers. The worst of them, forced to fit their misinformation into a restrictive format and hardwired word-count range, often do little more than spout disconnected facts more or less at random. In doing so, it's not uncommon for the dumbasses among them to omit basic facts while going into great detail about trivia. For an example, let's look at Nicole Papagiorgio, writing (quite appropriately) on "How to Identify Types of Pine Trees,"¹ which Leaf Group has, for unknown reasons, niched over at Hunker.com
