Box Steps for the Incompetent Carpenter - The Freelance Files MMCCLXVI

Framing Box Steps

Hi again: it's been a while since we've taken to the 'net to flog greedy freelancers for their ignorance of their topics. Yet here we are again, this time giving the literary equivalent of the golf clap to yet another eHowian, one making his second appearance on the pages. Please give a... well, not warm but, tepid?... welcome to the pride of HomeSteady.com, Rick Paulas, this time gifting his attempt to explain "How to Build Box Steps" on the internet. Sadly, the one-time telecommunications major's knowledge of box steps is about the same as his knowledge of sprinkler systems – slim to none.

Repointing Masonry for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMCCLXIII

repointing stone

Like many homeowners in the era of YouTube tutorials, our staffers often research DIY home repairs before deciding to call in a professional. Unlike many of their neighbors, the majority of the folks who write for the Antisocial Network aren't afraid to tackle simple- or intermediate-level projects – which leaves out roofing and remodeling an entire kitchen. One of them recently looked into repointing some brickwork and, is their wont, decided to check on the topic at the mother lode of misinformation, eHow.com. As expected, the topic had been discussed, and by a familiar name. Let's see whether HomeSteady.com writer G. K. Bayne knew what she was talking about in "How to Repoint a Stone Fireplace." Here's a hint: based on her three previous appearances, we rather doubted it...

Flush Beams for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMCCLXI

flush beam in ceiling

Watching a freelancer who barely knows the difference between a hammer and a screwdriver attempt to explain framing carpentry is something like watching a slow-moving train wreck. We find that we just cannot look away, no matter how bizarre and/or useless the content. We've seen a lot of that useless content, as you can tell from the "framing" and "framing carpentry" entries on our topic list. Today's nominee adds yet another line to the list: meet "communications" grad Isabel Prontes and her misguided attempt to answer the question "What Is a Flush Beam?" for HomeSteady.com.

Small Decks for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMCCLV

a small deck

One of the staffers was reviewing an old list of potential nominees we'd found at the mother lode of misinformation (eHow.com and its niche sites) when she ran across a strangely specific question that a previous awardee had "answered" for the site. In skimming the content, she realized that the author of the content, Steve Sloane, had two problems: first, he didn't understand the original question and second, he had no idea "How to Build an 8' X 4' Deck" – no matter how many words he pounded out (or more likely, reworded) for HomeSteady.com.

Laminate Countertops for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMCCLIII

flush trim bit for laminate

It's not unusual for our staffers to find freelancers who seem skilled at rewording information that is utterly foreign to them. It's not unusual for one of them to be puttering along nicely in some eHow.com instructions, and then suddenly go off the rails. One of the most common causes of this phenomenon appears to be a failed attempt to marry information from two different sources. That's how we caught today's nominee, Claudia Henning, who parlayed an "Associate of Science degree in physics/math" into a job as freelancer for HomeSteady.com, where she shared her (lack of) expertise in "How to Replace Laminate Countertop."

Bracing A Fence Corner for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMCCLI

T-Post Corner Brace

We don't know about you, but we hear an awful lot these days about the differences between people who live in rural settings and those who live in the big cities. While we think most of the difference is rubbish, there definitely are some things that people who grew up in or now live in rural settings know that lifelog city-dwellers don't. Based on what he wrote in "How to Make a Corner Fence With T-Posts" for HomeSteady.com, we somehow suspect that Keith Allen was a city boy (his North Dakota roots notwithstanding). We ran across his work while looking at a garbage post penned by one Jack Gerard/Jack Casteele about stretching barbed wire.

Closets and Sloped Ceilings for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMCCL

2-by-2s and plywood? No!

Some of the most annoying examples of freelance dumbassery were foisted on the internet under the banner of eHow.com, especially the "how-to" articles written by J-school grads who had never in their tiny little lives actually performed whatever they claimed to be explaining. These paragons of bullshittery have always been easy for people with real knowledge to spot, mostly because the so-called instructions are riddled with incorrect information. Today's example, the HomeSteady.com post "How to Build a Closet Under a Sloped Ceiling" by one Jenn Starr, is no exception. In fact, it might well be the rule. 

Sagging Shelves for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMCCXLIV

sagging shelf

We've noticed – many, many times – that the less familiar our nominees are with their topic, the more likely they are to develop some sort of tunnel vision. To put it another way, if they don't know what they're talking about, they're likely to focus on a single solution to a problem to the exclusion of all other solutions or, for that matter, versions of the problem. Don't get it? Well, maybe you will after following Taylor Patrick through her HomeSteady.com post, "How to Stop Shelves From Sagging in the Middle."

Plate Grooves for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMCCXLI

shelf with plate groove

It's Monday, and we're in kind of a hurry. Bear with us... Being in a hurry seems to have been  requirement for the freelancers who wrote for eHow.com's content farmers, especially when it comes to facts. Given that repeat offender Nichole Liandi barely topped 200 words for her work (a word we use loosely, mind you) in "How to Put a Plate Groove in a Shelf," it's surprising how little knowledge the young history grad managed to convey to her readers.

Car Canopy Instructions for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMCCXXXI

car canopy

We don't know about you, but to us it goes without saying that when someone asks you a question like, say, "How to Build a Car Canopy," the operative word in that question is "build." Are we right? The person asking that question doesn't want to know how to buy a ready-made canopy or assemble one from a kit, the person wants to know such important information as materials, measurements, and the steps in constructing such an edifice. That's us (and probably most people), but is isn't eHow.com's Kimberly Dyke. That much is evident from her post, which can now be found at HomeSteady.com.

Construction and Tools for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMCCXXVIII

tools for builders

An old adage would have it that if you ask a stupid question, you'll get a stupid answer. That may not necessarily be the case, though, because there are always people who are willing to generously share their knowledge even with garden-variety fools. On the other hand, there's eHow.com, where people who knew nothing often attempted to answer stupid questions, and their work was quite likely to support the old saw. Take, for instance, someone who wanted to know a "List of Tools Used in Construction": eHowian Timothy Sexton took it upon himself to create such a list... except he clearly had no idea what he was talking about in his post, which now lives at HomeSteady.com.

IV Infusion for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMCCXXIV

It has always been (and always will be) our preference that the information we receive be passed along by people who are competent in the subject at hand. We don't know about you, but we're not in the habit of asking the guy who cuts our grass how to treat strep throat or consult with our physician on how to cut dovetail joints. Sure, some landscapers are retired army medics and some doctors are woodworking hobbyists, but they are the exceptions that prove the rule. That lack of pertinent experience is why we were unimpressed by the job eHowian Rona Aquino performed while attempting to explain "How to Calculate Milligrams Per Hour" for HomeSteady.com.

Beadboard on Cabinets for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMCCXV

Beadboard door

We don't give legal advice here, mostly because we don't have a lawyer on staff. Oddly enough, however, we've run across several freelancers among the eHow.com "contributors" who flaunt their JD degrees. We have to say, though, that unless their content is at LegalBeagle.com (yet another Leaf Group niche site, believe it or not) they seem to be pretty much clueless about their chosen topics. That's precisely the impression we got from one Samantha Kemp, a Razorback grad and practicing attorney, when we came across what she thought about the eternal question, "Can You Put Beadboard on Kitchen Cabinets?" (Sam's "answer" is at at Homesteady.com).

A Farmhouse Table for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMCCXIII

real farmhouse table

Are you tired of tables yet? We know we are...  so, we promise, this is the last one, at least in this consecutive run of table talk. Who knows what dumbassery lurks on the 'net for us to expose in the future? We're sure there's a lot. OK, with that out of the way, let us have a look at Caprice Castano and her attempt to tell eHow.com readers "How to Build a 12-Foot Farmhouse Table" way back in 2009. Leaf has since migrated the post to HomeSteady.com, if anyone cares. We know we don't!

Square Tables from Round for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMCCXII

round table with apron

Another day, another freelancer pretending to know how to build a table in order to collect ten bucks from the nice people at eHow.com. Will wonders never cease... Rhetorical question: of course they won't! So, once more into the breach: here's today's nominee, a sometime clown who goes by the handle of A.W. Ellison (also known as Bill Ellison), who once visited the dreck known as "How to Convert a Round Table to Square" on eHow. Today, it resides at HomeSteady.com.

Half-Round Tables, the Dummy Approach - The Freelance Files MMCCXI

"beveled wood pieces"

Maybe we're in a rut... or maybe we just hit a rich vein of freelance dumbassery. You decide. Whichever, today's the third day in a row for us to feature some greed-sucking J-school grad attempting to lift pertinent information from a couple of online sources to create instructions for crafting a piece of furniture, namely a table. Today, we'll wade through a post at HomeSteady.com (formerly eHow.com) written by romance novelist Becky Lower; something she said would show her readers "How to Build a Half Moon Table." That's one freelancer's opinion...

Triangular Tables for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMCCX

simple corner table

Another day, another clueless freelancer pretending to be an accomplished woodworker. As the Twitter hashtag says, #mustbeeHow... whatever the case, today's nomination accrues to yet another HomeSteady.com post bundled with such fine work as that of the previous DotD, Judi Light Hopson. Today's awardee is accounting grad-slash-hotel geek Dan Zisko, who foisted "How to Make a Triangular Corner Table" on the 'net in hopes of collecting a few bucks from eHow.com. Shame on him: it's pretty obvious he had no idea what he was talking about!

Vanity Tables for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMCCIX

simple vanity table

Few freelancers irk our staffers more than the ones who pretend to be providing DIY instructions even though they have no idea how to do it themselves. Some of the most irksome ones, IOHO, are those who attempt to tell us how to build stuff out of wood using carpentry tools, lumber, and fasteners. Not long ago, we ran across a fairly long list of such freelancers with DIY plans for various tables, thanks to Leaf Group's "bunching" strategy at their HomeSteady.com niche. Here's the first nomination from that bunch, returning DotD Judi Light Hopson, with her attempt to transcribe plans for "How to Build a Wood Makeup Vanity Table."

Making Table Legs for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMCCVII

broken table leg

We long ago learned that during the "information age" more than a little of the information you get is... suspect. Kindly note that we aren't talking Russian bot farms pushing fake news (although that's a heckuva problem); no, we're talking about greedy freelancers pretending to know all about a subject they'd never heard of before or telling you "how-to" instructions for something they've never done themselves. Though there are a lot of sources of such misinformation, the site eHow.com has always seemed to be the mother lode of such dross. That's where we found repeat DotD Owen E. Richason IV pretending to know "How to Make Sturdy Table Legs" (it's now at HomeSteady.com). Here's a hint: he didn't.

Shelves Over the Stairs for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMCCVI

over-the-stairs shelving

Besides the obvious problem of letting people who know nothing of carpentry write carpentry and woodworking instructions, readers are occasionally also exposed to some rather strange verbiage mixed into the steps. A weird notion caught our staffer's eye while vetting today's DotD nominee, but when she looked at the actual instructions, she knew she had a winner. We're talking about returning awardee Kasandra Rose and her HomeSteady.com attempt to tell people "How to Build Storage Shelves Above Stairs." We're here to say, "Epic fail, Kasandra!"