WiFi Passwords for Dummies

Router information plate

The word "hacking" seems to be in the news quite a bit these days, yet few people seem to remember that a hack is supposed to be a good thing! But we digress... Apparently some people don't know how to find their wifi passwords, and that's pretty frustrating. If you're one of them, what do you do? Well, chances are pretty good you'll look on the 'net – but you probably don't want the quality of advice you'll get from James Wiley, who penned "How to Get a WiFi Password"¹ for the folks at Techwalla.

For starters, Wiley thinks the only reason to want a WiFi password is because...

Splash Blocks for Dummies

Not how you use a splash block!

Today's example of utter stupidity is somewhat different from the name-calling and snarkiness we typically employ here at the Antisocial Network. Instead of calling out, by name, another greedy freelance writer spreading rubbish on the internet; we're going to feature a real-life example of an anonymous dumbass doing something utterly stupid out in the real world. Here's the story:

One of our staffers was walking the dog past an apartment complex in suburban Indianapolis recently and spotted something truly stupid. What he saw was probably compliments of maintenance personnel at The Fort Apartments. Take a look at the picture to the right.

Squirrel-proofing the Clueless Way

Squirrel baffle on bird feeder pole

You know those click-bait images that show up everywhere these days -- like "the government of [your location here] doesn't want you to know about this one simple trick..." and similar crap? That's bait-and-switch, and it's far from the first time it's been used on the internet. Back when content farms were running wild and people could rake in the bucks for the most trivial crap, people like ParaGod at InfoBarrel.com were everywhere, dumping out crappy content like "Bird Feeders Squirrel Proof Can Preserve Bird Seed And Save Money."¹ Talk about keyword stuffing: that title doesn't even make sense!

Drilling for Oil Like a Dummy

A rotary drilling rig

There's a former oil-company geologist on staff who, from time to time, rails about the public's complete ignorance of how the oil and gas business works. Sure, ExxonMobil and BP make boatloads of bucks, but the real fact is that it's the mom-and-pop operators who hold the leash on people like Scott Pruitt, not Shell Oil. One of the reasons they get away with it is that people like eHow.com's Jason Chavis are ignorant about the business, as Chavis proved by writing "What Is Oil Drilling?" for the mother lode of misinformation (now niched at Sciencing.com).

Linear Feet of Space for Dummies

Linear feet of shelving

We have, frankly, lost count of how many times eHowians have proven ignorant of the concept of "linear feet," especially if we throw in the similar usages linear yards and linear meters. For some reason (stupidity, we suspect) these people just can't seem to capture the essential nature of a linear foot. Take, for instance, Soren Bagley, who tried to explain "How to Calculate Storage Space Using Linear Feet" for the mother lode of dumbassery, Demand Media (now known as Leaf Group) and the site HomeSteady.com. Apparently that English Lit degree wasn't much help...

Sloped Surfaces and Area for Dummies

While most of the truly mind-numbingly dumb stuff on the internet hides in political arguments on social media, the Antisocial Network researchers generally stick to the insidious rubbish in the world of "how-to" and "informative" posts written by greedy people when looking for their DotD candidates. You know, instructions published by people who don't know how to carry them out, information cut-and-pasted by people who didn't know how to spell the topic before googling it, and so forth. Or, to be specific, the kind of mind-rot found published to eHow.com by one James Wiley in "How to Calculate the Area of a Sloped Surface" (now appearing at Hunker.com).

Tundra for Dummies

Look, Fred: no trees!

Old-timey television host Art Linkletter had a program called "Kids Say the Darnedest Things" (Bill Cosby resurrected the concept in the '90s). The show featured clips of kids making unbelievable claims and saying truly stupid (but cute as heck) stuff. When those same kids grow up, however, unbelievable claims and truly stupid stuff aren't cute any more. Take, for instance, Leaf Group's Frederick S. Blackmon, whom we found attempting to explain "What Causes a Tundra to Form?" on their Sciencing.com niche site (it used to be at eHow.com; why doesn't that surprise us?)

Charging a Car Battery for Dummies

Car Battery Charger hookup

Sometimes one of our research team will read through an online post, think "OK," and move on to the next one; only to realize a moment or two later that there was some major dumbassery buried within the text. That happened recently when one of the kids was browsing the work of longtime eHowian Larry Parr: she came across one of Parr's posts titled "How to Charge a New Car Battery"¹ at Leaf Group's niche site OurPastimes.com. And about two articles later, she suddenly realized that Larry's a dumbass...

Shortening a Table for Dummies

wobbly table

Self-appointed freelance "experts": you gotta love 'em, especially the ones who claim to be "award-winning." You always wonder, what awards have these people won? the award of having mommy put your latest artwork up in the Amana Gallery when you were seven, perhaps? Whatever the case, we try to never fall for the self-hype. such as that claimed by "award-winning designer" Gina Samarotto (who's also a freelance journalist? and has time to win design awards? s-u-u-ure...) when she attempted to impress people with her design skills in "How to Lower the Height of a Table"¹ for Leaf Group's TheBump.com.

The Wonders of Plywood, the Dummies Version

construction of plywood

Back in about 2011, Google changed their search algorithm to give lower search rank to content farms. As a result, many of those sites; like Associated Content, helium, BrightHub and Squidoo; withered and died. Although arguably the worst offender of all, eHow.com managed to stay afloat by tightening their "standards"; though any tightening was mainly in the area of format; not content quality¹. Much of their earliest content, rubbish vomited up by total incompetents, remains online; as is obvious from today's DotD entry, Andrew DeWitt and his amazing "Advantages of Plywood."²

Same Old Oil Misinformation, Different Dummy

Parts of a drilling rig

It's been quite a while since our staffers 1) skewered some idiot from HubPages.com and 2) raked some fool over the coals for misinformation about the oil business. Today, we're gonna rectify that long silence: the victim of the day is some character who publishes his "hubs" under the handle tjar12, but a little googling finds he's a guy by the name of Tim Archbold. We have no idea why he thinks he's knowledgeable about "Oil Exploration and Drilling - How is Oil Found?"; but the sad fact is that he isn't...

Tubular Locks for Dummies

The keyhole of a tubular lock

There's no doubt about it: here at the Antisocial Network we get a lot of headaches attempting to read the questionable content of some of our DotD candidates. While some of them make mistakes because they simply don't have the background necessary to write about their topics, a few seem to live in a place where "alternate facts" are perfectly acceptable. Take, for instance, eHowian Alec Preble: one of his favorite tricks is to provide a general (and probably wrong) "solution" to a specific question, while citing an offline reference. The English BA pretended to know "How to Install a Tubular Lock"¹ for eHow.com when in reality he had no idea how to install a lock at all.

Finding Your Altitude for Dummies

Analog altimeter

It never ceases to amaze our researchers just how... let's be nice and say "clueless"... some of the freelancers out there actually are. Some, we fear, are willfully ignorant; a category that seems to include many who "answer" questions at eHow.com. We think that may be why today's DotD candidate, one Jonra Springs, chose to address "How Do You Measure Altitude?"¹ in a rather clumsy (and not terribly accurate) fashion. Then again, it might simply be because Springs knew even less than the person asking the question.

Now for our money (which isn't much), the person asking that question isn't looking for instructions on using an altimeter; but that's what they got. Sadly, Jonra couldn't even get that right, rolling out such ludicrous claims as

Camry Cooling Systems, the Dummy Version

Yup, just slap your wrench on, right Emile?

You find ectoplasmic beings roaming your house, who you gonna call? Ghostbusters, of course! You discover that the radiator fan on your car doesn't run, who you gonna call? Well, as far as we know there's no "fanbusters" out there, so you're probably going to look for an auto mechanic. We know we'd prefer to get our DIY car-fixing advice from someone with grease under his nails instead of a guy who thinks he's a "professional writer" because he published in a student newspaper... but eHow.com let Emile Heskey (no, not the famous footballer) pretend to help you solve your problem in "The Cooling Fans Won't Run in a Camry."¹ Bad choice, eHow...

Maps, Grids, and Coordinates, the Dummy Version

Reading map grid coordinates

One of the Antisocial Network founders worked for many years making maps. By his count, he's probably pumped out several hundred thousand (maybe a million!) big sheets of paper and/or digital representations of the earth, both its surface and subsurface features. Along the way he learned quite a bit about map projections and coordinate systems. To be blunt, he says he forgets a helluva lot more about those subjects in a single day than Sciencing.com's Tasos Vossos ever knew. Should you need any proof of Vossos' unfamiliarity with the topic, look no further than "How to Convert Map Grid Coordinates to Latitude and Longitude"

Reverse Gables for Dummies

reverse gable dormer roof

As the Antisocial Network research staffers wander the internet looking at the stupid things freelancers say for money, they come upon many an instance in which it's hard to tell whether these writers botch information because they're ignorant or because they're lousy writers. In the case of Tyler Lacoma, the guy claims to be a professional writer, so his misinformation in eHow.com's "What Is a Reverse Gable Roof?" (since moved to Hunker.com)¹ must be a result of his ignorance. Right?

Lacoma, who's here for the second time, blows his answer by the eleventh word in his introduction (75 to 100 words, mandated by eHow's style guide):

Gas Appliances for Dummies

Where's your "return" line, Kurt?

It's not unusual for our researchers to run across a stupid question while wandering the pages of eHow or some other niche site published by Leaf Group (the former DMS, or Demand Media Studios¹). We all know it's possible to answer a stupid question without being condescending or, worse, stupid yourself. Apparently Kurt Schanaman isn't so good at answering stupid questions, though, as he amply demonstrated while explaining "How to Tell an Electric Dryer from a Gas Dryer" for the mother lode of misinformation, eHow.com (and since moved to HomeSteady.com, and then deleted²).

Mars vs. Earth for Dummies

Mars-Earth comparison

A lot of our staffers here at the Antisocial Network are, to be honest, nerds. Not the kind who call themselves "software engineers" because programmer sounds too simple. No, they're scientists. And although the current presidential administration seems hellbent on making certain that the citizenry is kept ignorant of scientific principles, they're not gonna give in. That's why we keep harping on scientific literacy, and keep shaming freelancers faking their way to a small fee. People like self-described "business writer" Eric Bank, who claims a B. S. in biology but sure wasn't using any of it when he wrote "How Big Is Mars Compared to Earth?"¹ for eHow.

Opening Wine Bottles for Dummies

Cutting the capsule on a wine bottle

Perhaps the most common reason for the freelance dumbassery that our staffers run across is the writers' failure to understand a question they're supposed to be answering. Although we can understand unfamiliarity with high-energy physics (though without knowledge, why would you write...), but unfamiliarity with common, everyday tasks is more difficult to explain – though we suspect it's just garden-variety stupidity. Submitted for your consideration today is Charlotte Johnson as she fumbles her way through "How to Open a Plastic Wine Bottle Cap" for Leaf.tv (formerly eHow.com).

Judge's Paneling, the Dummy Description

Judge's Paneling

One of the ways TV set decorators suggest to viewers that a character is wealthy is to show rich wood paneling in the guy's study or library. That's not a design feature you find in the average suburban tract home, after all. If you wanted to install it yourself, you'd need to know what it's called; and the answer is, sometimes, "judge's paneling." If you asked about DIY judge's paneling, however, you might well run into someone else who didn't know the name; though that didn't stop eHowian Tracie Harris from pretending to explain "How to Install Judges Paneling."¹ Never you mind that missing apostrophe...

Ounces to Tablespoons, the Dummy Conversion

Sometimes the crack research team at the Antisocial Network can see where misguided freelancers went wrong in their misinformation, but other times it isn't so simple. Take, for instance, the time we ran across Leslie Renico of Leaf.tv (formerly eHow.com, in case you didn't know) and her woefully inadequate attempt to explain "How to Measure Dry Ounces to Tablespoons."¹ We'll grant that the title is stupid to begin with: "measure"? why not "convert"?  but nevertheless, the screw-up is entirely on Leslie. No wonder they took away her byline!

Compound Miter Saws for Dummies

Compound miter saw

If you read through the bazillions of posts on eHow.com, you might come to the impression that almost everyone who searches the internet is looking for help in "troubleshooting" something. Well, at least the ones who aren't looking for porn or information about the Kardashians (those are different, aren't they?). The problem is that, if the seekers ends up at eHow, they're not gonna get much help. In fact, they're likely to end up finding junk like Patrick Nelson and his eHow.com post, "How to Troubleshoot a Compound Miter Saw."

Starter Relays for Dummies

A typical starter motor circuit

Self-appointed freelance experts: you gotta love 'em. Well, at least you love 'em if you're the Antisocial Network and you think it's fun to expose their dumbassery to the world. Take, for instance, "professional cook, baker and writer" Amrita Chuasiriporn, who somehow convinced herself (and eHow.com) that those degrees in Spanish and culinary arts qualified her to inform her readers about automotive electrical systems, beginning with her laughable discussion of "What Is a Starter Relay?" at ItStillRuns.com.

What, indeed? Well, as Chuasiriporn tells us in her introductory paragraph,

Refinishing Oak, the Way of the Dummy

Unfilled oak grain (left) vs. filled (right)

If your home was built anytime between about 1970 and 2010, chances are pretty good that at least some of the cabinetry is oak, probably with a medium finish. Besides being fairly unattractive, the style is quite dated, so many a would-be DIY redecorator wants to take brush in hand and repaint those suckers. Good on ya, folks! The problem, of course, is that painting oak isn't as simple as painting pine, so who you gonna ask? the internet, of course! With luck, you won't run into Matt Smolsky trying to explain the procedure at TheBump.com (a Leaf Group site, formerly Demand Media) in "The Best Way to Paint Oak Cabinets."¹

Setting Fence Posts, the Dummies Version

Braces set at right angles, Amelia...

There are two different kinds of people in the world: the ones who've built a fence and the ones who haven't. If they have any sense, when people in group two decide to join group one, they'll buy a book about how to build fences. If they don't buy a book, however, they'll find themselves at the mercy of internet freelancers – people who, though they're not part of group one, write fence-building instructions anyway. That's how you end up with half-baked articles like the one Amelia Allonsy posted at Leaf Group's SFGate.com, "The Best Way to Set a Post for a Shadow Box Fence & Keep it Straight."

Linear Feet of Lumber, the Dummies Version

Lumber linear footage calculator for decks

You know how retailers pipe music through the speakers that is scientifically chosen to make you buy more? We've sometimes thought that as our researchers look for internet stupidity we should be playing Bob Dylan in the background – especially the lyrics, "You're an idiot babe / It's a wonder that you still know how to breathe."¹  Well, there are plenty of people out there so dumb we wonder how they remember to breathe, and one of them is eHowian David Robinson. David's contribution to the stupidification of the internet? "How to Calculate the Linear Feet of Boards."²

Linear Feet, the Dummies Version (Again!)

Installing window film

Our editorial team just realized that yesterday marked the second anniversary of the first time we awarded the Dumbass of the Day. That was to an eHow.com twinkie who performed a woefully inadequate job of describing radiometric dating. The people at Leaf Group have moved that post to Sciencing.com now, but it's still stupid. But we digress... We've seen a bunch of repeating themes in the eHow world over those two years, and one of them is the contributors' failure to understand the concept of linear feet. For some reason, they all think that it's the straight-line measurement of something, and repeat offender Charlotte Johnson follows suit in "How to Calculate Linear Feet for Windows" at HomeSteady.com.

Ceiling Hooks, the Dummies Approach

ceiling hooks, the real deal

Unless you live in a monastery or the dorm in a military school, chances are fairly good that one day you're going to want to hang something from the ceiling. It makes no difference whether it's a mobile, a swag lamp, a plant or something entirely different, it'll need support. And that, friends, is where a ceiling hook comes in handy. Just don't try to follow the ridiculously mindless instructions serial DotD Greyson Ferguson wrote for eHow.com (now Hunker.com) in "How to Put Screw Hooks in the Ceiling"...